In Germany…
When we were planning our rest day in Ulm, we decided to camp in a canoe club campsite, and it so happened that very near this canoe club there was a leisure centre that included a badhaus (bathhouse) and sauna. At this point, we’d been cycling a lot in the rain, and very recently, crossing the continental divide it had been unseasonably cold – so cold that we couldn’t comfortably camp. I felt very cold and a sauna sounded wonderful.

We headed over to the badhaus around 5pm and the first indication that we had that this was going to be different was the pay structure – the smallest unit to pay for was 2 hours. Huh?! I love a nice sauna, but I was thinking I’d be in the sauna for about 30mins, lie around a bit and we’d leave. Who can spend 2 hours in a sauna?! The woman at the desk said that it was only €1 difference between 2 and 3 hours so no problem if we stayed longer we could pay the difference on the way out. We rented bathrobes and had the good sense to bring our camping towels with us.

The second indication that this was different from home was in the changing area which was separated male and female and I turned to Robin to had him his swimming trunks and he said ‘oh I don’t think I’ll need them here’ and then found a sign that said – no clothing items in the Sauna area. Okay, I thought – no problem, I’ve been to saunas in Finland and everyone is naked, fine.

Take my shower, put on my bathrobe and walk through the doors. Only to find that the female and male changing areas entered into the same space and there were lots of people in this badhaus, all shapes, sizes and mostly completely naked. There were various degrees as to how covered people were as the crossed the space, from a towel in front, round the waist or not at all. And then there was me and Robin in our bathrobes.

Then the badhaus itself was HUGE!! I think there were a dozen different sauna rooms, each could hold 20+ people in them, steam rooms, massage services, cold plunge pools and a lounging space. Plus a bar and buffet!

Feeling overwhelmed, Robin and I headed for the first sauna at the lowest temperature. based on my Finnish experience, I walked confidently into the sauna with no towel or bathrobe (partly because we’d left our towels in the changing room in favour of the bathrobes and I knew the bathrobe would be too hot – but mostly because in Finland you just go and sit). As soon as I entered, I felt lots of eyes on me, slowly looking around I clocked that everyone had a towel or some sort of fabric to sit on. I mean usually when I’m in a new place/country, I watch other people to get a feel for what I’m suppose to do – but it was the sort of place that you didn’t want to stare at people – what if they got the wrong idea? Anyway, once you’re in the sauna there was a sign that said ‘no sweat on the wood’. Which meant I was standing in the sauna reading this sign, and then had to do the ‘long walk’ with what felt like all these eyes on me (could literally hear all these german people saying – they’re doing it wrong) and get my bathrobe to sit on. After watching all the ‘original’ people file out of the sauna, we left, and I went to get our towels from the changing room.

Then, every so often people would start queuing up outside a specific room. Turns out the sauna rooms had different events happening. We’d watch about 2 dozen people file in and then about 15mins later come out looking extremely hot. We were barely lasting in the saunas for 5-10mins so we didn’t take part in an event.

We did order drinks and eat from the buffet, sat outside eating in our bathrobes. Stayed inside for 3 hours. Went back to the tent feeling warm and cosy.

In France….
We were cycling along this country road, next to the canal, and then there was a queue of cars behind and they started honking. Lots! I said to Robin that there was a bunch of impatient drivers behind and we should be ready for them. Honk Honk Honk. I thought it was a bunch of boy racers being annoying on the weekend. The honking gets louder and we realise that it’s A LOT of cars. Robin saw a place to stop off the road and pulls the bike over, so we’re off the road completely, ready for whatever maniacs are coming our way. Turns out it was a wedding party, making themselves known to everyone. Gave us a big fright! People in each car waved, honked and smiled at us as they went by. We did our best to wave and smile back, but it was also a long procession!

In Slovakia…
As we were coming up to the border with Slovakia (but still in Austria) we past a woman talking to a child and we understood NOTHING of what they were saying. It sounded so different from all the other languages we’d heard so far, and we knew instantly that it wasn’t German. On crossing the border we immediately had lots of signs, and we couldn’t read it, or even guess what they were saying. We felt like we’d entered a different land.

In Hungary…
Robin went to order some Prosecco as we waiting for our tour of Ezstergom basilica dome tour to begin. At the cafe, the young woman asked Robin if 0.3 was okay? Robin not really understanding said ‘sure!’. Huge Prosecco glasses arrived and we realised that Robin had inadvertently ordered 300ml Prosecco each! Nearly a whole bottle between the two of us! I didn’t drink all mine, because we were going to climb this basilica dome and I was sure that the stairs would make me dizzy without lots of fizz in me. Robin, never one to see a good drink go to waste, dutifully finished them both off!

In all countries…
Trying to order food. Wasn’t so bad in Germany and Austria because Robin’s German is decent, his French less good, but definitely helpful. I’m pathetically inept at speaking other languages – mostly because I add a Portuguese accent or sounds to the words- doesn’t matter the language. Which makes me (without google translate) a bit hopeless at ordering food or asking for help outside of Anglophone countries.

In France, Germany, Austria, Hungary….
when Robin or I went into Lidl, Aldi or any other shop to buy water to refill our bottles, only to discover that we had ended up with sparkling water. Which is fine, except that the bubbles in the water build up pressure in the bottles, so you’re riding along and all of a sudden this a pop and hiss, and you think it’s something wrong with the bike, until you realise it’s just the sparkling water getting bounced around too much. OR you forget that it’s sparkling water in the bottle and you go to drink from it and the first thing that happens when you’ve pulled the spout from the lid, is a mouthful of fizzy air, which makes you swerve and wiggle on the bike. Finally, got lucky in Croatia and managed to by still water. In Serbia the have English written on the bottles we’ve bought so far.

In Slovakia…
When riding the bus, we managed to press the right button for the bus to stop, but failed to press the right button for the doors to open when we reached our stop. We rode for another stop (thankfully, not far).

In Hungary…
When I went to the post office to get stamps for postcards – the woman at the counter spoke no English and I spoke no Hungarian. There was a problem with one of the post cards – it didn’t have enough space for a stamp (Robin wrote this one). After some failed attempts from the woman at the counter speaking to her colleague about what could be done and me not understanding what was going on, I got out google translate conversation app. This was my first time using it. I spoke my question in English and got the Hungarian translation, then I held up my phone for the woman to speak in Hungarian. I don’t think she’d used google translate conversation before either. Anyway she’d start talking, and then laugh when google didn’t pick up on the right thing that she was saying. Eventually we got to a place where she said that I would need a ‘letter of exception’ to send the crowded postcard. I was very confused about the ‘letter of exception’. Thinking outside the box, I asked, via google, if she meant an envelope? YES! An envelope! Great, we got there in the end, I brought an envelope, rewrote the address, panicked because I didn’t know how to spell our friend’s last name and then she was able to print the stamps for all 4 postcards.

In Serbia…
Robin bought what looked like yoghurt pots for our breakfast. When we open one it was very creamy, and didn’t have the consistency of yoghurt at all. There was a little 20% to the side, and we wondered if that meant 20% fat. Turns out we were right. With some help from google we realised that Robin had bought fermented sour cream with 20% milk fat. We decided to buy something else for breakfast.